I feel like this today

In Mind

There's in my mind a woman
of innocence, unadorned but

fair-featured and smelling of
apples or grass. She wears

a utopian smock or shift, her hair
is light brown and smooth, and she

is kind and very clean without
ostentation--

but she has
no imagination

And there's a
turbulent moon-ridden girl

or old woman, or both,
dressed in opals and rags, feathers

and torn taffeta,
who knows strange songs

but she is not kind.

Denise Levertov

litera scripta manet

Latin for "the written word Remains".
So gone is the realm of Meat, and in is the world of Books. I'm working now at The Bookman. If you have the chance, ask to use the washroom. Both the public washroom, and the staff washroom are completely covered with hundreds of bookmarks collected over the years.
Which is where this Latin term entered my vocabulary. I love it! Taking a bathroom break has become somuch fun. The sublime and ridiculous (bookmarks) sit side by side on the wall. Each time I pee my eye is drawn to a new mark, a new idea.

LORD POLONIUS
What do you read, my lord?
HAMLET
Words, words, words.
LORD POLONIUS
What is the matter, my lord?
HAMLET
Between who?
LORD POLONIUS
I mean, the matter that you read, my lord.
HAMLET
Slanders, sir:
(Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2)

life without a computer

I'm typing this on my mother's computer. Living without one is strange- since it is away that many people choose to communicate.
I feel unplugged and outside of the mainstream. Since I'm also living without Cable T.V. it is doubly quiet in my apartment.
However, I'm cheap. So this quietness is going to last for awhile.

The Day after

"Tomorrow is the day after today; it is in the near future. In everyday speech tomorrow speaks not only of a single day but of some era that is not today and has not yet occurred"

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle.
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing" (Macbeth Act V, scene v, lines 16–27)

"The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way! "(Annie, the Musical)

"Tara! Home. I'll go home, and I'll think of some way to get him back! After all, tomorrow is another day!" (Gone With The Wind)
Today is the begining of a new year . It is the tomorrow we all have been waiting for. My New Years resolutions must now be put into effect.

One Sad Thought, One Ridiculous

The full moon makes me restless. I wonder if I'll ever settle down?
I want to run away from home, dance in the streets, and tell somebody off! (that is the sad)
At work I had an allergic reaction. This irresistible itch was driving me nut on the inside of my ear.
I'm up front serving a customer when I tell my co-worker Leanne "oh this itch it's driving me crazy!"
to which Leanne replies-loudly- for the three customers in the store to hear, "Maybe you have Fleas"
Honestly -right there in the Deli!
I was sooo mortified.
I do not have fleas - just in case you've heard something. Agassiz is a small town. Gossip rages like a brush fire.
Sheesh (that is the ridiculous)

Peaches and Vavoom!

I have two very diffrent gigs comming up in this Hoilday Season. First up is "Holidate / Walk Through Bethlehem "It is a Christmas extravaganza put on by Central Community Church, and spearheaded by Mel Dunster (who directed Highdive). The "Holidate" part is a play about a marketing firm that must create a sales pitch for time travel tourism to ancient Bethlehem.-The the rest of the church (mostly in the gym) is set up as the ancient city. It's a massive undertaking that the church does every year -and best of all it's FREE!
The next one is for a local singer /songwriter named Lori Paul who is having a Solstice celebration concert at the Arts Center December 22. In this show, I'm playing an aging burlesque star named Lola with my friend and fellow improvisor Mary Lindsey (who is playing Peaches, the other half of the act)
The culmination of this skit is Peaches and Lola singing Alberta Hunters Handyman while performing arthritic Burlesque moves. Very fun.

I can't fake it like I used to.

Today I had another customer chastise me. This is the fourth time such a thing has happened in the past 4 months. A customer has called me out for:
1) having a bad attitude
2) being un friendly
3) being snippy/snarky
Today some lady felt the need to tell one of my co-workers that I was rude and snippy to her because I place her change on the counter!
" I have back spasms" she says. Well how the hell am I supposed to know that! I don't live in the bloody town. I don't know who this pissy woman is.
The thing is, these complaints are all the same thing. Which is, people not getting the servile attitudefrom me that they feel they deserve. I just can' t fake it anymore. The customers in Agassiz seem to think they should get someone who will lick their boots as I make them a sandwich.
I know I am impatient with others. I want to serve them fast, get them out, so I don't have to see them again that day.
However, no one else at work gets this treatment- Even though they are no better or worse at customer service than me. I have never heard a customer say anything bad about the other people at work. There is something about me that rubs people the wrong way. Perhaps my face my voice ? I used to be able to hide my contempt -not anymore. So, I tried to treat people with compassion. Now I'm frightened because I don't have much compassion left.
I afraid I've become not a very nice person. So the real hazard of this job is not the sore feet, or cuts. or burns, or backaches, but the drain of things I used to like about myself.
I was a kind and compassionate person and now I'm a cynical misanthrope.

A study in meat

Recently my creative urges have not been exercised . This has become apparent after I realized my only creative outlet is when I am allowed to organize the meat showcase at work. I am sure there have been some avant-guard artist who have previously sculpted in this medium. However, I may find that my truest expression of art lies in meat. Perhaps a sculpture of ground beef? Or a replica of the pyramids in sausages? Only time will tell.
Sigh, I need a new job
Badly

She wore an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie....

So the rehearsals for High Dive are coming along and now the moment has come for me to have a photo shoot with the local press at rotary pool in... MY BATHING SUIT! arghhh! Panic panic
When I was four years old my Family drove to Ontario to visit my My Moms family and to attend my Dad's family reunion. Along the way we stopped in the Okanagan and I was put into my brand new blue pokadotted bikini. My Dad sang that song to me substituting yellow for blue and I was thrilled. I would pose precociously in every photo with my hand on my hip imagining myself as a sears catalogue model.
I'm going to attempt to channel the endless self-esteem of that four year old girl who believed herself to be utterly fabulous. Because right now the thought of people gazing up at me with my jiggly cellulite hanging out is panic inducing.
plus there is a lot of maintenance issue to do with tanning and hair and...
I found a really cute bathing suit at the Bay and despite the 98 dollar price tag (ouch!) I was willing to "take the plunge" However when I went back today with my Mom for confirmation that it was the cutest bathing suit ever, It was gone the whole rack was gone ! The saleslady said it had all been sent back. Crap crap crap
P.S. the Show runs August 24, 25, 26 with shows at 7 and 9 p.m.
604-703-1264 for tickets http://www.mel-o-drama.com/

Forget the cap and gown

By the UCFV Alumni Association:
Graduation Caps & Tassels Available when you arrive for your ceremony, near the gowning area. Remember to grab your Graduation Cap and tassel this year from the UCFV Alumni Association. - 2006 Graduation Cap cost: $15 - 2006 Commemorative Tassel: $5 Note that caps/tassels are optional; UCFV does not require you to wear or buy them.
I think I might just go ahead and buy myself two tassels and affix them to my bosom
Nuts to the cap, for $5 less I can make a much better fashion statement!