Fear and excitement

Someone once told me that your body can't tell the difference between fear and excitement- that the difference comes from how you perceive things. I"m excited!! Yeah- if I just tell myself enough times it will eventually be true.
Actually I don't feel very brave today-
I managed to get myself into another awkward unwanted set-up. Sigh-I need to be better at saying no. The set-up person caught me off guard in a room full of people who decided my romantic preferences were going to be the days entertainment. I was asked that immortal question "so what's your type?". A question for which I never have any kind of answer.
common humanity?
A sense of humor? A soul? Eyes that crinkle when he smiles?
I don't know! As if I'm supposed to have a small laminated card of attributes of "what I find attractive" in my wallet to pull out at a moments notice. Anyone who knows me -Don't ever put me on the spot like that. I react badly
So, I felt like all eyes were on me in my dangerous single state . That 's another thing -This Set-up guy is married and he talks about how he is soo in love with his wife- sweet huh. Yet there are times when I have felt a come-on vibe from him. Something in his manner that has made me question-"If I were to respond what would he do?" Sometimes I feel my married friends see me as potentially dangerous, needing to be neutralized into a relationship. Like my status as a single woman is disturbing..... Like being unattached means I'm a loose cannon. So anyway, this fellow setting me up rather creeps me out. As if he is thinking "well I can't have her but my friend can" Is that sick ? Bear in mind this fellow is not really a friend he is merely a classmate who I haven't known for very long and who has said some things in that time which I find ... Disquieting
What is even more disturbing is the set-up guy then couldn't even give his friend a good sell! I mean if your friends can't even come up with good things to say what hope is there! Why do I let these things happen? Because I'm not good at being assertive and saying "you know I 'd rather pass" .
the best I'm hoping for at his point is minimal social awkwardness. Well this is quite the negative bomb for my first post
more positive thought tomorrow!